


That One Leap Of Faith

by Terran Dowling (Enby_Entity)



Category: Supernatural, destiel - Fandom
Genre: Again too long to post as is to tumblr, Ficlet, Fluffy, In honor of September 18th, M/M, Very fluffy, You'll like the ending, destiel au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-22
Updated: 2019-09-22
Packaged: 2020-10-25 16:40:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,344
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20727404
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Enby_Entity/pseuds/Terran%20Dowling
Summary: Castiel has been dating Dean for eleven years. Eleven wonderful, very happy, sometimes dramatic years. Dating the hunter is by no means an easy feat but man, you give him a little love and he returns it tenfold. So, yeah, Cas is happy. But as that anniversary nears, the one where he first met the man, he begins to realize that something is missing...and sets out to find out what. It doesn't take long.





	That One Leap Of Faith

There were certain things that, when experienced in your life often enough, you unintentionally take advantage of. Cas was one of such things in Dean’s life; more specifically: the way Cas was always there to take care of him. Every day, no matter if there’d been a hunt or not, if he’d gone with them or not, Cas was always waiting at the bunker to tend to wounds and help the boys wherever he could. With Dean, of course, he was extra tender given that he is, and has been for a long eleven years, Dean’s boyfriend.

At this late stage in their relationship, though, that word ‘boyfriend’ had become quite a bother to Cas, unbeknownst to Dean, and lately the angel had been feeling…off. He couldn’t really understand why, since he was still very happy with the Hunter, even while Dean was far from perfect which had often led to the occasional problems between them (Cas wasn’t perfect, either). So, despite being happy, why was he beginning to feel…restless, if that was the word? Why was there just a hint of emptiness starting to form in the back of his…mind, was it? Or was it his…well, it couldn’t be his soul because he didn’t have one, so…?

Well, whatever it was had remained relatively manageable until September 18th. That was the day Cas suddenly felt like all the air had been sucked from the planet…and he was the only one suffering. He knew he needed to do…_something _but wasn’t sure what exactly, and so, for the first time in eleven years, in order to search for that which he was missing, he was not waiting for them upon their return.

This, of course, sent Dean into a panic and he searched the whole bunker from top to bottom.

“Sam!!” He yelled as burst through the doorway to the main room where Sam stood. “Where’s my angel?? SOMEBODY STOLE MY ANGEL!”

“Hey, hey, hey, hey Dean, calm down! I’m sure Cas is fine!”

“I AM CALMED DOWN SOMEBODY STOLE MY—” Hyperventilating now, Dean bent over with his hands on his knees. It was when he began to sway that Sam ran over to catch him.

“Dean, you _really _need to calm down. Breathe!”

“He isn’t here! He’s gotta be here!” Shrugging of Sam, Dean went on search 2.0.

“DEAN!” Sam barked, trying desperately to get the man’s attention, all to no avail. Dean continued in a blinding panic, looking for Cas in places he couldn’t _possibly _be.

“He’s not here, damn it!!” And still, he continued to search.

It was when he broke an old vase to which Sam had been a bit attached that Sam finally caught him just to try to get him to _stop_. Dean was…well…less than happy about it.

“SAM, LET ME GO! LET ME GO, DAMN IT! DAMN YOU! CAS IS MISSING! DON’T YOU CARE?! HE’S _MISSING_!!!!” Breathing left him again, alarming Sam further.

“Dean, for the love of fucking God, calm the fuck down before you give yourself a fucking heart attack!! Think!! Is there something you said?! Something you did?? _Why _would Cas, assuming he wasn’t kidnapped, not be here?! Run through the other damn options _before _reaching the worst conclusion! He might be fine! First though you need to fucking breathe!”

Dean fought him at first but Sam held true and eventually, he caved in. As soon as he finally got himself calmed down and his breathing returned back to normal, it erupted in his mind just what day it was, and all at once knew exactly where Cas had gone. The relief was _staggering_.

Beyond grateful, Dean smacked a big ol’ kiss on Sam’s cheek (to which Sam groaned and wiped off), and headed towards the entrance without another word.

“Glad to help!!” Sam called after him with a roll of his eyes. Dean never even heard him.

~ ~ ~

Cas stood at their park, overlooking some ducks chilling out on the water. The air was a little chilly but full of that beautiful autumnal scent. It was here he’d shared his first-ever kiss with Dean, and it was here, now, that he began to feel more at peace again. Of course, there was still that nagging feeling in the back of his mind that was going to drive him up a fucking wall if he didn’t get a semblance of understanding for it, but at the moment, he could breathe again and that was more than enough.

“Cas??” Dean’s voice (sending a thrill throughout his body) sounded behind him. The man sounded tense, stressed, and Cas understood why.

“Hello, Dean,” he greeted without looking away from the water.

He heard Dean sigh; it sounded like relief.

“Hey, Cas.” Arms wrapped around him from behind. “Thank God you’re okay.” The hunter pressed a long kiss just under Cas’ ear. While it made him feel wonderful to be desired like that…

_Am I okay, though_? Cas wondered.

Dean suddenly smacked him, startling him back into reality.

“What the fuck were you thinking, you asshole?! No note?! No text?! I was worried sick, you fucking jerk!”

Cas looked over at his long-time partner, almost smiling at the love raging behind the anger, the love that was the _cause _of the anger, and realized what his problem was. He loved Dean more than anything, was pretty sure Dean (as evidenced now) loved him the same. They were more than just _boyfriends_…and yet Dean had never made a move to further things, seeming content to stay like this. Cas wanted more.

Dean caught on to the fact that something was definitely not right with his angel.

“Hey,” he placed a gentle hand upon Cas’ arm, “what’s the matter?”

Cas looked away from him out at the lake before them.

“Cas?” Dean tried to turn Cas’ head towards him but failed. “Please, talk to me. I’m sorry I yelled. I’m sorry I called you names. I didn’t mean it. I was just. You have to understand. I didn’t…you were gone. And…I just—”

Cas looked at him, Dean’s stuttering giving him the courage he needed to start _the_ conversation.

“Are you happy?” he asked.

Dean blinked with surprise, and then looked concerned and took Cas’ hand into his own.

“Of course I’m happy.”

He didn’t think Dean had understood.

“I meant with me.”

Dean rolled his eyes with a smile and a quiet scoff.

“Yes, Cas, I know what you meant. I am happy _with you_. Have I done something to say otherwise?”

_It’s what you haven’t done, actually._

Dean’s eyebrows came together as his concern deepened from Cas’ lack of answering.

“Wait, are _you_ happy?”

Cas witnessed the rare sighting of Dean’s deep-seated insecurity, something the man (if he could help it) never let show through. He felt bad for making Dean doubt himself, though, and went to soothe it with a kiss, which should’ve worked but didn’t. Dean pulled away after only a few seconds, green eyes raging with emotion.

“Cas, please, talk to me. Are you unhappy?”

“I’m happy, but that’s the issue.”

Now the man was confused.

“I don’t…”

Cas met those emerald eyes; he knew if he had a shot at getting what he wanted, he needed to be open and vulnerable right now, which was probably the scariest thing he’d ever done.

“Have you ever thought about…uh…being, well, more than, uhm…?” Words failed him so he meekly gestured between the two of them and hoped Dean understood.

Dean’s confusion cleared in an instant (which was both a good thing and…well, a bad thing).

“Oh.”

One word and Castiel felt himself plummeting. _Oh_. It was basically the same as “no”. All he could think to do now was to back-pedal in hopes of salvaging the relationship he’d just stupidly risked (and for what?? Being needy as hell? Being selfish? He didn’t even _know_).

“Never mind. It’s stupid.” _I’m stupid. _“I’m just in a mood, I guess.” He released Dean’s hand and was about to step away when Dean caught his arm in both his hands and pleaded with him to stay. Curious and confused, Cas regarded Dean and watched as the man move in closer, suddenly more vulnerable than he’d ever seen him be. Part of him marveled at how open Dean was, the other part worried (though he didn’t know why).

“I’ve honestly,” Dean began, then faltered, “…uhm, I mean, I…er…”

Cas fought a smile, only barely managing to do so by looking at the ground as Dean struggled for words. It was always beyond endearing to him to hear the man struggle to be articulate.

All of a sudden, though, he just couldn’t wait another second. He had no idea what had caused his patience to go from being in abundance to being nearly non-existent but he met Dean’s gaze with a ferocity that took the man by surprise and blurted out:

“I want to marry you.”

Dean’s breathing caught.

~ ~ ~

Never in a million years had ever expected an _angel_ of all things to say those words to him. Never had he thought anyone would ever want him like that. For fuck’s sake, he was _Dean Winchester_. Before Cas, he’d never been one for going steady. It’d all been one-or-two-night stands, one meaningless sexual encounter after another, never settling down, never getting attached. Plus, nobody had wanted to stick around. Cas had been the first, and the only, to stay.

That didn’t mean he hadn’t been toying with the idea these past few months…Hell, these past few years, if he was being completely honest with himself. He’d just never brought it up because, well, Cas was a frickin’ angel. Why the hell would an angel want _that_ with someone like _him? _He still hadn’t accepted that the angel loved him, even though Cas had said it plenty over the past eleven years, even though it was crystal clear in Cas’ eyes every time the angel looked at him. Of course Dean felt the same. It made him extremely vulnerable (something he’d hated at first) but he’d also never felt so strong, or so safe. The point trying to be made here is that Cas was different for him. Cas was _more_. And Dean…Dean wanted to _be _more, for him. It wasn’t something he’d ever felt before, and _that’s _what was tripping him up.

Now, with those words hanging between them, _now_ was when he needed to be articulate more than ever and words failed him which, by extension, failed his angel.

Panic began to set in as he saw Cas’ hope slowly die away…all because he couldn’t manage to speak.

~ ~ ~

Of course it’d been too much to wish for, Cas realized, watching as Dean struggled to speak and misunderstanding why. Of course the hunter didn’t want marriage! Cas had _known _the type of guy Dean was when they’d started getting together. Eleven years being the only one Dean was with didn’t change that one bit, of course. And hadn’t he always said he’d been okay with that?

Problem was, with the proposal (well, it was sort of one, he supposed) hanging rejected between them, things were…well…damaged.

“Forget I said anything,” Cas said quietly, hoping his hurt didn’t show in his voice. “I was out of line.” He started to turn away yet again, and once more Dean caught him.

This time, however, Dean did more than just grab his arm. He turned the angel completely towards him, took his face in his hands, and laid a kiss so full of emotion upon Cas’ lips that it actually stole the angel’s breath away.

It also said that he was wrong about what was happening here. As badly as Cas wanted the kiss to go on, he needed to know.

“Dean?” Cas mumbled, more confused than ever and wishing like hell he had clear answers.

The hunter opened his eyes as their lips separated, met Cas’ gaze with his arms resting upon the angel’s shoulders, and said, in earnest:

“Ask me.”

Cas didn’t really want to, at first, his heart now desperate to protect itself after the first failed attempt, but he (as he was taught to) heeded Dean’s body language, specifically what was shining bright in the hunter’s eyes, in his expression, and suddenly realized he had nothing to fear; he’d merely caught the hunter by huge surprise and needed only to let the man recover, which of course he’d just done.

“Will you marry me?” Cas asked in a tone no louder than a whisper, nerves still getting the best of him and stealing his voice.

Dean’s expression softened as it filled with a deep affection, which in turn quickened the angel’s heartbeat.

“Yes, Castiel, angel of the Lord, I’d love to marry you.”

Cas let out his breath in a half-sob-half-laugh as relief flooded every inch of space within him. He became confused again when tears, out of nowhere, started up and spilled over; Dean let out a soft laugh.

“Oh, honey,” the hunter crooned, wiping the moisture away in a touch so full of love it threatened to seize Cas’ heart (because Cas knew it was only ever with him that Dean allowed himself to be so soft, and Cas absolutely loved that).

“I’m sorry. I don’t know why I’m crying.”

Dean was beaming as he put his arms on Cas’ shoulders, his light shining brighter than ever melting Cas’ world and making it that much harder to stop crying. This beautiful man was his??

“Because I said yes, you doofus,” Dean explained with a soft laugh, “now come here.”

He leaned in a little and then waited for Cas to respond. At first (for reasons unknown), the angel hesitated before closing the gap faster than either thought possible, kissing the hunter with more emotion and passion than either ever felt before. Tears continued to spill down his cheeks and went ignored as the kiss dragged on.

He _finally_ felt whole again.


End file.
